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Humor, Jokes, Comedy, & Cartoons A place for some humor and laughter. Share your best jokes or humorous content here. |
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#1
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Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again! Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We don't remember dates. . . .Period!! Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!! If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.) BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping. |
#2
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lmao.
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#3
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and of course we can always add more things
If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer and Curry. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking JERKS. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (i.e. Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it. He heard you the first time. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the rejection around a little. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to. |
#4
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good one
__________________
La vida es un dado Y yo un jugador Ninguno los tira Con tanto valor Ninguno se atreve Lo piensan dos veces Pues es muy dificil Dormir con los peces |
#5
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all u guys r woman hater's
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#6
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i liek how u put it in pink lol and we dont hate we jsut want you all to know your place right guys
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#7
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lol quiet u^^^
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#8
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lol.
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#9
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![]() If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to. hilarious
__________________
If you´re not ready to die for it, put the word ´Freedom´ out of your vocabulary- El Hajj Malik Shabazz ...freedom's not a gift received from a State or a leader but a possession to be won every day by the effort of each and the union of all - Albert Camus In the belly of misery convulses the fetus of rebellion - Ricardo Flores Magon |
#10
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__________________
T£Rª§ øf Å ÇLøWN ÅLwª¥§ ƒªLLiiN ƒRøM M¥ £¥£§ [F]*[U]*[C]*[K]* [L]*[O]*[V]*[E]::Ya no QUiiER0 LL0RAR,Ya no QUiiER0 §UFRiiR,NE§E§iiT0 TU AM0R §iin Tii N0 PUEDO ViiViiR:: [[i AiiNT T£LL£N NO Lii£§ ,£V£N A THUG LADy CRii£§,BUT ii §HOW NO F£AR§,ii CRY GANG§TA T£AR§]] →♥La Guerita |
#11
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HAHAHa... I appreciate the honesty, it's good to know... duchbags! lol j'k
__________________
"strenth doesn't come from physical capacity, it comes from indomitable will" |
#12
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lmao
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#13
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Also, women need to know that we have bad grammar for example, a guy will write 'Things Women Must To Know' instead of 'Things Women Must know'. LOL. JK.
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"Don't Demonstrate, Infiltrate! From within you can help those without." -Jorge Le Rand "Tehan tohtocazqueh to tamatcayotl can cachi chicahuac." - David Vazquez |
#14
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#15
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LMAO...I say the guys start a 'He-Man, Woman Hater's Club'!! hahaha
__________________
http://www.myspace.com/da_payaso I realize none of what I have, nothing I can grasp onto is real. What means the most to me is invisible. -Lambda Theta Phi Latin Fraternity, Inc.- http://www.lambda1975.org The FIRST Latino's Down!! |
#16
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lol.... |
#17
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__________________
http://www.myspace.com/da_payaso I realize none of what I have, nothing I can grasp onto is real. What means the most to me is invisible. -Lambda Theta Phi Latin Fraternity, Inc.- http://www.lambda1975.org The FIRST Latino's Down!! |
#18
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whateva...
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