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  #26  
Old 02-18-2005
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Originally Posted by Cooljano
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I don't actively hit on women. that's for losers.

I guess I'm a loser then

I dont really care about having a girlfriend or a serious relationship at this point, but I honestly find sex to be a neccesity.
If I'm not getting it, then it's all that will be on my mind and I wont get anything done.


oh don't get me wrong man....... I'm not saying I don't want that. I'm just saying I don't chase it. don't have to is all.
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  #27  
Old 02-18-2005
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Originally Posted by Cooljano
Well I'd prefer that beautiful women would come up to me and tell me that I'm as perfect as a Greek god.
I hear what youre saying though. I always hear women complain about how the "good men" dont ask them out and they only get approached by "losers".

You think you have it rough?
Guess who approaches the average male and asks him on a date?

it's usually no one, a hooker or a gay man

I'm actually a pretty introverted person. I keep to myself and sont like to impose on anyone.
I learned at a young age that if I ever want to meet a woman I had to play the game.
It's tough for a shy person to try and behave in a way that goes against their nature.
I thought women were supposed to be empathetic? You girls can be so heartless
-- haha, your silly. So easy to be skeptical if you have had bad expreices I can do a psychology session on you and understand that your opnion and feelings about relationship stems from childhood hehe. but ill leave that alone


Quote:
Nah, you probably wouldnt want to date me. I'm not exactly "boyfriend material".
I'm one of those guys you would so a lot of "potential" in and try and change me, but I'd never go for it and you'd just end up frustrated.

You are a pretty girl with an education and a good head on your shoulders.
I'm sure you got a lot to offer the right man.
I'm sure if youre patient and open minded the right guy will come. You know what they said about not keeping a good woman down...
--you ask me out than you dought me....what kind of a man are you!! haha jk. I would never try change you Jano..i am an easy woman to please :P haha ...well,men and women naturally clash that way, sometimes you just cant satisfy us no matter what you do..lol
But Ill tell you this, no man can live without the love of a woman..sooner or later you'll hit the fan and put up with those womanly antics when you realize being alone is not great option .
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  #28  
Old 02-18-2005
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-- haha, your silly. So easy to be skeptical if you have had bad expreices I can do a psychology session on you and understand that your opnion and feelings about relationship stems from childhood hehe. but ill leave that alone


I think everyones opinions and feelings about relationships have a lot to do with their childhood. One Meme's thread about why we're single, I go into great detail why I'm single.

I could analyze you and ask why you are so intent on filling your life with another person.
Are you from a family of divorce?
did your father give you the attention you deserve?

See youre not the only one that can play therapist. I know where my neurorsis comes from and I'm fine with it.






Quote:
But Ill tell you this, no man can live without the love of a woman..sooner or later you'll hit the fan and put up with those womanly antics when you realize being alone is not great option
Gay men could live without the love of a woman

if by "love of a woman" you mean sex youre 100% right! I already said I cant live without sex.
Being alone isnt bad imo. People are socialized to believe it is though.
We're born into this world alone and we leave alone. Thats just a basic truth.
Besides that I dont feel alone and I've got plenty of women who love me and care about me.
I've got my mother, my sisters, my neices, female friends, etc.
Sure it's not romantic love, but it's love nonetheless.

Why should someone who's content being single be seen as an anomaly??

I think the people that are desperate to complete their lives by recruiting a seperate person need to be psycho-analized

See I told you I wasnt your type. I would drive you crazy with my babbling
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  #29  
Old 02-18-2005
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Originally Posted by Cooljano
I could analyze you and ask why you are so intent on filling your life with another person.
Are you from a family of divorce?
did your father give you the attention you deserve?
Well, I just enjoy the company and affection of the opposite sex. Granted that I find someone whom I can have a family with in the future. Big deal . I do not come from a family of divorce, even though my paretns have had their share of problems. I was also the youngest and a daddys little girl so I received plenty of attention I was receintly in a relatinship and it was great..i broke it off for reasons of long distance, but I think at the end of the day, its something special to lean on...thats all. And back to topic.. for the most part, i have never had a problem with a guy comming up to me and not calling me.


Quote:
Besides that I dont feel alone and I've got plenty of women who love me and care about me.
I've got my mother, my sisters, my neices, female friends, etc.
Sure it's not romantic love, but it's love nonetheless.

Why should someone who's content being single be seen as an anomaly??

I think the people that are desperate to complete their lives by recruiting a seperate person need to be psycho-analized

See I told you I wasnt your type. I would drive you crazy with my babbling
Damn your a hard man to please...it is over between us! Haha,hey whatever floats your boat Jano. To each their own..
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  #30  
Old 05-09-2005
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i want to save u the trouble of reading this book.

if you need to buy the book to check and see if hes intersted hes probably not THAT into you and you need to move on.
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  #31  
Old 05-09-2005
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Originally Posted by KoolArrow
I want you women to go up to a guy youre attracted to and ask him out.
And I hope he tells you that he's either married, has a girlfriend, doesnt give his number out to strangers, is "kind of" seeing someone, laughs in your face, says he is visiting from out of town, is gay, that he's simply not interested, or he gives you a fake number thats really a pizza hut number.

Try this for a week and you'll start to understand how difficult it is to be a man and why men are sometimes reluctant to approach women.
Or how about;
Having her turn her back on you, her rolling her eyes at the question, her answer being "Fuck you", or the "I just want to be friends response" over and over again. Or being told that you "have got to bekidding", Ugh.

But, I try and try again anyway. yet, like Arrow says, it would be nice to actually be asked out every here and then by women. I know men who arent the greatest looking, and its sad to see how low their self esteem has gotten because of constant rejection. Yet i know there are women out there who would be extremely happy with these guys if she only gave him the chance.
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  #32  
Old 05-09-2005
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damn, what's wrong wit me? ok so all i want is a nice guy, who nows how to respect and treat a lady! right here all you guys are talking about women want this and women want that. look if a lady is asking too much of you and you can't handle it. then you don't love her...you just want some ass!! shit sometimes i don't mind that, it's cool you need to make some mistakes before you know how to treat a true partner right. just stop whining!!! get the ass you wanna get and get out!! (but you know enjoy it as much as you can ji ji)
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  #33  
Old 05-09-2005
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KoolArrow"I hear you Meme.
I sometimes just get tired of the game and would rather just sit at home and watch DVD's or read a book.

It's funny how when single women see couples out on dates they often get jealous and sad that they dont have a man.
When I see couples out on dates, I usually feel sorry for the guy.
Knowing what a pain in the ass some dates can be."


i was talking about this guy right here earlier...

well NE wayz, i don't get jealous. i actually feel good that there's people out that can hang out together, plus share some romance. unfortunantly i do agree with him about the pain in the ass some dates can be... some guys are just idiots!! they can't help it!
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  #34  
Old 05-14-2005
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I read this book. It was very interesting.........A lot of the stuff that I read made a lot of sense. I mean the signals guys give are pretty noticable and it makes me wonder about the kind or women that are out there that dont see the signs when a guy doesnt like. Then "we" (as in women), make up excuses so we dont feel bad.

It was a good book overall, it made me reflect on a lot of my relationships. That guys really do give obviously signs that they arent into you.

Really good I recommend that people(mainly women) it gives you a different few on relationships and how guys think sometimes.
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  #35  
Old 05-14-2005
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Browneyes_823
I read this book. It was very interesting.........A lot of the stuff that I read made a lot of sense. I mean the signals guys give are pretty noticable and it makes me wonder about the kind or women that are out there that dont see the signs when a guy doesnt like. Then "we" (as in women), make up excuses so we dont feel bad.

It was a good book overall, it made me reflect on a lot of my relationships. That guys really do give obviously signs that they arent into you.

Really good I recommend that people(mainly women) it gives you a different few on relationships and how guys think sometimes.

The whole problem is that ONE person cant tell you how an entire gender thinks.
Thats as crazy as me saying I know how ALL Chicanos think. I dont.
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  #36  
Old 05-15-2005
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Originally Posted by ladybug
i guess i'm stuck in the 50's too then, hehe. i feel like i will be more respected if a guy aproaches and wo's me.

***genesis***
Hey Yeah girl I AGREE WITH U 100%.....I guess im livin' in the 50's myself becuz,I FEEL A GUY SHOULD MAKE THE MOVE On ME,ya kno? I guess im like this becuz Im the shy, romantic ,reserved, "waitin' 4 Prince Charming" type,etc.. LOL--- and Yeah,when I am with a guy that IM reallY INTERESTED in,I kinda get a little bit ATTACHED,ya kno? Like this one time,i was with this sweet sweet guy,YES he did make the first move,I have 2 admit,and I GOT ATTACHED,but I was kinda AFRAID 2 call him sometimez and stuff becuz i didn't want 2 come off as desperate and sh*t,and IN THE BEGINNING I WARNED HIM--I SAID I DON'T WANNA COME OFF AS CLINGY OR NOTHIN and he was like-NO,U DONT BOTHER AT ALL OR WHATEVER(actually I like it) or whatever...But REGARDLESS I WOULD ALWAYZ FEEL LIKE A DUMBASS IF I WOULD CALL HIM JUST 2 SAY I LOVED HIM or for this LIL THING AND THAT....I FELT DESPERATE...IT REALLY SUCKED....I GUESS IT WAS MY OWN SELF THINKIN' BAD THINGZ becuz he never COMPLAINED (he was a sweetie,i tell ya LOL)....BUT I LEARNED SOMETHing tho--I GUESS I NEED A GUY WHO WILL LOVE A LOT OF MY ATTENTION AND AFFECTION ya kNO,WE CAN CUDDLE AND HOLD EACH OTHER TIGHT! hahahaha Instead of a guy who would rather stay alone most of the time,becuz if he preferz to stay SOLO than I end up feeling DUMB hahaha...WELL thatz My little story,I THINK lol,well laterz------>Lala
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  #37  
Old 05-15-2005
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KoolArrow
Sounds interesting.

It's too bad that so many people (women and men) need the Dr. Phils of the world to tell them how to live their lives.

Maybe I should cash in on the self-help book cash cow. I have common sense. I'm good at telling people whats wrong with them
same here i know always know what i am talking about sometimes
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  #38  
Old 05-11-2006
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Default Re: he's just NOT that into you

Just wanted to know if there were any new readers of this book, lately.
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  #39  
Old 09-04-2006
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Default Re: he's just NOT that into you

Excerpts from the book:



IT'S SO SIMPLE
Imagine right now that I'm leaping up and down and shaking my fist at the sky. I'm on my knees pleading with you. I'm saying this in a loud voice: "Please, if you can trust one thing I say in this book, let it be this: When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be."



I know it's an infuriating concept — that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he's just not that into you. (And we want you to believe you're one of the nine, ladies!) I can't say it loud enough: You, the superfox reading this book, are worth asking out.


HERE'S WHY THIS ONE IS HARD, by Liz
Well, it's obvious. Are you telling us that we have to just sit around and wait? I don't know about you, but I find that infuriating. I was brought up to believe that hard work and good planning are the keys to making your dreams come true. I spent my life making things happen for myself. I worked hard for my career, and was quite aggressive about it. I called people, made appointments, asked for favors. I took action.



But now Greg is telling us that in this situation, we are supposed to do absolutely nothing. The guys get to pick. We're just supposed to put on our little dresses and do our hair and bat our eyes and hope they choose us. Why don't you just tie my corset too tight so I can faint in front of some man who'll scoop me out of the way just before the horse-drawn carriage runs over me? That'll get his attention.


Really, in this day and age, the hardest thing to do for many women, particularly me, is nothing. We like to scheme, make phone calls, have a plan. And I'm talking about more than just making sure our hair doesn't frizz.

Most women who date, I would guess, don't have men throwing themselves at them every night of the week. Sometimes there's a long stretch during which nobody's asking us out. So when we see a guy that we feel might be a romantic possibility, it's even harder for us to take a backseat. That opportunity might not come back again for a long time.


But guess what: My way? Has sucked. Hasn't worked at all. I've never had a successful relationship with a guy that I've pursued. I'm sure there are many stories out there to the contrary. But for me, those guys end up getting back together with their ex-girlfriend, needing to take some time for themselves, or going out of town for business. Usually it doesn't even get that far. They usually just don't ever return my phone call. And let me tell you, that didn't make me feel very in control of anything.


Since I've been implementing Greg's handy-dandy "he's just not that into you" philosophy, I've been feeling surprisingly more powerful. Because if the men are asking you out, if the men have to get your attention, then you, in fact, are the one in control. There's no scheming and plotting. And there is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn't ever feel like I'm just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it's good for us all to remember that we don't need to scheme and plot and beg to get someone to ask us out. We're fantastic.


THIS IS WHAT IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE, by Greg
One night I was drinking in a bar and flirting with the bartender. I asked for her number. She said, "I don't give out my phone number because guys rarely call me when they say they're going to. My name is Lindsey Adams, and if you want to call me, find my phone number." Which I did — the very next day. Do you know how many Lindsey Adams there are in the phone book of a major city? Let's just say I talked to about eight or nine before I found mine.


An actor we work with met a girl while he was making a public appearance on an aircraft carrier. He lost track of her in about ten minutes. And yet, because he was so smitten, he somehow managed to track her down in the army, and they are now married.

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE GREG
We did an incredibly unscientific poll where we polled twenty of our male friends (ranging from ages twenty-six to forty-five), who are in serious long-term relationships. Not one of their relationships started with the woman asking them out first. One guy even said that if she had, "It would have spoiled all the fun."


What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter


• An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of "ruining the friendship."
• Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking.
• If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
• Just because you like to lead doesn't mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.
• "Hey, let's meet at so-and-so's party/any bar/friend's house" is not a date. Even if you live in New York.
• Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.
• You are good enough to be asked out.
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  #40  
Old 09-04-2006
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Default Re: he's just NOT that into you

That is AWESOME in it's honesty, Chavela!!
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  #41  
Old 08-20-2008
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Default Re: he's just NOT that into you

bump for Sadgirl Jessie and for anyone else who just cant figure out men, or are hurt by them
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  #42  
Old 08-20-2008
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Default Re: he's just NOT that into you

I shall read this book..
"Men you can't live with them, and you can't live without them..."
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  #43  
Old 08-21-2008
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Default Re: he's just NOT that into you

^^ No doubt .. it sucks cuz it's true ..
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  #44  
Old 08-21-2008
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Default Re: he's just NOT that into you

Quote:
Originally Posted by LaChavela View Post
Have you read this book yet?

Its a really good book and funny too. My brother is afraid to read it cause he says he doesnt want to know how bad an asshole he really is LOL
This book is NOT down on men but encourages you find the one that you want and that you do deserve to be treated with kindness and respect

I recommend this book to every woman who keeps attracting the wrong kind of men. or to the woman who cant understand why he doesnt call, or e-mail.

Relationships should be so very simple - but damn they can be complicated - especially if the other person is already a complicated person.

Read it - its an eye opener
wow. interesting...
i think ima read it.

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Originally Posted by . View Post
Oh this book is brilliant....cruel but very honest..I recomend it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaChavela View Post
Cooljano LOL

You have no idea the torture women put themselves in when he doesnt call when he says he is going to.

I know - men they have no qualms at all - and even can forget to call - but that is my point exactly - if he forgets - then damn it "he's just not into you" and a gurl should just move on.

Cause a guy if he really is in to you will call, in fact he cant wait to call you back. and Damnit - I deserve to have a guy like that
x2

Quote:
Originally Posted by KoolArrow View Post
From a males perspective I can tell you that things arent so cut and dry in regards to calling a woman.
A guy may not call for awhile for any number of reasons. One of those reasons might be he doesnt want you to realize that he's THAT into you.

Women tend to get bored very easily. Being a predictable, nice guy is sometimes a surefire way to turn a woman off.
If he's calling you everyday like clockwork then a woman might think that it's because he's desperate, doesnt have much luck with women, has too much free time on his hands, is coming on too strong, is needy, or that he's even obsessing or "stalking" her.

A man would rather be thought an insensitive jerk than a deranged stalker.



I dont suppose that it's ever occured to you women to call men?? Tonight I called a girl and got her answering machine. I left her my number and she returned my call ( I assume she's interested).
If she didnt return my call, I'd reading the writing on the wall and back off.

If you women are serious about finding love take a proactive approach. You dont have to play coy and let him always pursue you. If you meet a guy and you think there's something there GO AFTER IT. Let him know it's safe to call you.
Discard these age old expectations of courting.

I agree that Chavela deserves a nice man thats into her. I'm sure she'll find him too. She's a very good woman with a lot to offer someone.










First off Thank you and i really dont know how to respond without coming off as a complete ego-maniac but here goes...

I have been a student of human behavior as long as I can remember. I've always had a problem with that old saying "you learn from your mistakes".
Thats true, but I've always believed we can learn from others mistakes and save ourselves the trouble of having to make these mistakes in the first place.

I cant stand to see people sabotage their own lives or respond with knee jerk reactions that end up getting them in trouble.

I did once start an "ask CoolArrow" thread (you do know I'm the same guy right?)
In that thread people asked for my advice on a few subjects and I did my best to give them a thorough, honest answer.
I think many on this board can't see past my sarcastic and humorous nature to see that I've got a great deal of wisdom and common sense.
Oh well I'm sure people will realize how brilliant I was after I'm dead...
interestinggggg.


Quote:
Originally Posted by lizdlt View Post
i want to save u the trouble of reading this book.

if you need to buy the book to check and see if hes intersted hes probably not THAT into you and you need to move on.


Quote:
Originally Posted by just_dannie View Post
That is AWESOME in it's honesty, Chavela!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaChavela View Post
bump for Sadgirl Jessie and for anyone else who just cant figure out men, or are hurt by them
thnx gurl!
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