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  #1  
Old 04-03-2007
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Default Why We Love Children

Received this today...

Why We Love Children

1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY.
Can I have a drink of water??"
" I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled
and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said, "I have to sleep in Daddy's room".
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy".

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said,
"Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five- that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six- that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning
addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar
spoke to her in Sunday school, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to
the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!
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  #2  
Old 04-03-2007
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Default Re: Why We Love Children

awww damn! Too funny..

LMFAO at #10.
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  #3  
Old 05-09-2007
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Default Re: Why We Love Children

hhahaha.......... wow they just made ma day lol
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  #4  
Old 05-10-2007
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Default Re: Why We Love Children

damn numer 7 acked me up..
but they all funny
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  #5  
Old 05-14-2007
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Default Re: Why We Love Children

Oh man those had me crackin!
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  #6  
Old 05-14-2007
Celestino Celestino is offline
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Default Re: Why We Love Children

i like 8....holy shit a talking chicken
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  #7  
Old 05-15-2007
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Default Re: Why We Love Children

awww how kute! lol #8 is funny!
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  #8  
Old 01-07-2012
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Default Re: Why We Love Children

Gotta go with Number 11.

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  #9  
Old 01-09-2012
ChicanoDan ChicanoDan is offline
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Default Re: Why We Love Children

That was funny..

Almost as funny as when I read it nearly five years ago!!!

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  #10  
Old 03-23-2012
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Default Re: Why We Love Children

Interestingly enough I laughed really hard at the same one I did five years ago. My grammar sure got better, but my humor stayed the same.
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  #11  
Old 03-27-2012
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Default Re: Why We Love Children

Glad to see you're back, aztec princess!

I'm glad to hear about your grammer. I know some people get downgraded because of it. =(
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  #12  
Old 03-27-2012
ChicanoDan ChicanoDan is offline
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Default Re: Why We Love Children

Downgraded?

By who S&P?

Moody's?
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"There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
― Steve Maraboli

"Unless she's being a total twat... Nothing rare or beautiful about that"
― chicanodan
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  #13  
Old 05-23-2018
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Default Re: Why We Love Children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Professora View Post
Received this today...

Why We Love Children

1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY.
Can I have a drink of water??"
" I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled
and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said, "I have to sleep in Daddy's room".
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy".

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said,
"Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five- that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six- that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning
addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar
spoke to her in Sunday school, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to
the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!

So funny!!
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