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  #1  
Old 08-21-2009
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LaChavela LaChavela is offline
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Default ...and then the fight started

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to
the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The
wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY
!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

*****************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started....

******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'

And then the fight started....

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started....

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

******************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started
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  #2  
Old 08-21-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

Quote:
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY
!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....
LMAO!
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  #3  
Old 08-21-2009
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lonelyloca lonelyloca is offline
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

Lmao!
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When u realize ur kids have ur same sick sense of humor, u dont know if to be proud or scared????

SOY's ORIGINAL LONELYLOCA!
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  #4  
Old 08-21-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

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...Si manana me amas me escapo contigo
<3
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  #5  
Old 08-21-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

waaayyy to funny Chavela!
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  #6  
Old 08-21-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

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  #7  
Old 08-21-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

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  #8  
Old 08-21-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

That mad cow one was funny.
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  #9  
Old 08-21-2009
Yasmina Yasmina is offline
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started




all of them are pretty damn funny lol
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"Y entonces nadie preguntará quién sembró lo que se cosecha" - Subcommandante Marcos


Stand up for the Underdog,
Speak for the Unspoken.

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  #10  
Old 08-21-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

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  #11  
Old 08-21-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

While I was talking in my sleep... I grabbed my wifes tits and said "Nice headlights. She liked it.
Then I rubbed her thigh and said " what a nice smooth finish." she liked it.
Then I put my hand between her legs and said. " who left the fucken garage door open???"



And then the fight started.
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  #12  
Old 08-23-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....


__________________________________

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the
man, "That must be my husband!"

So the man jumped out of the bed, scared and naked, and jumped
out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn
bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
screamed at the woman, "I AM your husband!"

The woman yelled back, "Yeah, then why were you running?"

And that's when the fight started....

______________________________

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the
cold cream.

And that's when the fight started....
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"Nessa, Dannie and Dee...we should have a poptart foursome
i'll nibble off the edges, dee can lick the icing while dannie and nessa consome the warm and sticky innards" *drools*
- SD (Butterfingers)
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  #13  
Old 08-24-2009
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LaChavela LaChavela is offline
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee View Post
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the
cold cream.

And that's when the fight started....
OMG!! that's funny!
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  #14  
Old 08-24-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

funny stuff
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  #15  
Old 08-24-2009
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MuchoMuyKrazy MuchoMuyKrazy is offline
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

my favorite:

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started


they were all good though
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♥♥♥ I didn't get lost. I just investigated alternative destinations.....♥♥♥

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  #16  
Old 08-24-2009
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Kali_king Kali_king is offline
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

She asked
Does this dress make me look fat
i replied
it's not the dress

and tha'ts when the fight started.
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  #17  
Old 08-24-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

A woman comes home and tells her husband
"Some man at the bar said he was gonna lick whipped cream off my titties."
The huband gets up and starts to put on his shoes. "That motherfucker is a dead man!"
The wife continues... "Then he said he was gonna turn me upside down, pour beer in my pussy and drink it."
The husband sits back down and takes off his shoes.
The wife asks... "what are you doing...arent you gonna go defend my honor.
Husband replies "Fuck no. I aint messing with anyone who can drink that much beer!"



AND THATS WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED!
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  #18  
Old 08-24-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

^^^^^
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  #19  
Old 08-25-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

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  #20  
Old 08-25-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

Pete Haddington told me that joke.
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  #21  
Old 08-25-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

while she was giving me a bj she told me
tell me when you are about to cum
I said OK
I didnt
and then the fight started
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  #22  
Old 08-25-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

haha this fucker.
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  #23  
Old 08-25-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

I fucked up and told her that I was about to cum,
she quickly wrapped her legs around me before i could pull out.


..........and then the fight started.
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  #24  
Old 08-25-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

Quote:
Originally Posted by Niyorco View Post
I fucked up and told her that I was about to cum,
she quickly wrapped her legs around me before i could pull out.


..........and then the fight started.
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  #25  
Old 08-25-2009
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Default Re: ...and then the fight started

Quote:
Originally Posted by Niyorco View Post
I fucked up and told her that I was about to cum,
she quickly wrapped her legs around me before i could pull out.


..........and then the fight started.
Did she knock you in the head with her cow bell??? Crazy bovine.
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